


Kuroo and parents do not mix

by dboys



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Kuroo is a strange child, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 11:18:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5583826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dboys/pseuds/dboys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They had been dating for nearly three years, yet Kuroo still hadn’t met Tsukishima’s parents, not even his brother either. Frankly, Tsukishima just didn’t want Kuroo to meet his family, Kuroo was embarrassing, his family was embarrassing, they wouldn't mix well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kuroo and parents do not mix

**Author's Note:**

> This is a late christmas present for [Heidi](http://oiikawa.tumblr.com) <3

They had been dating for nearly three years, yet Kuroo still hadn’t met Tsukishima’s parents, not even his brother either. Frankly, Tsukishima just didn’t want Kuroo to meet his family, Kuroo was embarrassing, his family was embarrassing, they wouldn't mix well.

He hadn’t even told them he had a boyfriend until his mother was like “Kei, you need to find some girl to settle down and start a family with.” And he did plan to “settle down” with Kuroo, which is exactly what he told his mother without thinking about it. So, of course his mother said “We want to meet him!” Right away and there was no avoiding that now.

Kuroo was excited, though. Kuroo had been pestering to meet Tsukishima’s family as much as his family was pestering to meet Kuroo.

To put it simply: Tsukishima was terrified and would rather jump in a hole than this happen.

“Are we there yet?”

“Kuroo, you’re the one driving, what do you think?”

A few hours later.

“Are we there yet?”

“Kuroo I swear to god if you ask again I’m giving you the wrong directions.”

“Uhg, how long is this supposed to take?”

“Four hours, would have been two if you agreed to take the train.”

Kuroo sighed and placed his chin on the steering wheel as he drove on the highway. Luckily, Tsukishima had created a playlist specifically for this car ride so that was playing in the background, however, Kuroo really enjoyed complaining about the other drivers so his music was nearly drowned out.

“Tsukki, why do you live so far away from Tokyo?”

“Why do you live so far away from Miyagi?”

“Touché.”

In the end, Tsukishima ended up accidentally giving Kuroo the wrong directions, and of course that’s when their car decided to break down. They were only about a half hour away from the house, too.

“Did you do this on purpose?” Kuroo groaned, hitting his head on the steering wheel.

“Yeah, like I’d _choose_ to have the car break down.” Tsukishima sat back and crossed his arms.

It was getting dark, so they were there in a car that wouldn’t move, not to mention it was December so it was getting colder.

Without a word, Kuroo popped the hood and got out of the car, looking at the insides like he actually knew how cars work. The only thing, and probably the most important thing, that stood out was that the engine was steaming like crazy.

He heard a string of curses as Kuroo tried to move things around and get a better look at them, Tsukishima would have laughed given any other circumstance but at that moment he was just tired and pissed off.

After a bit, Kuroo came back to the car and threw himself into the driver’s seat. “I don’t know what’s wrong with it.” He groaned. “Can you just call someone?”

“My family said they were visiting my grandparents before I would get there, we were supposed to have a night to ourselves there.” Tsukishima sighed.

Kuroo grinned and raised an eyebrow. “Oh, Tsukki, how romantic.”

Tsukishima lightly punched him but was grinning as well. “Oh shut up, I was going to make you sleep on the couch anyways.”

“So mean, Tsukki!”

“You’re the one who wanted to come.”

“Your family wanted me to come, too.” Kuroo pouted and leaned to place his chin on Tsukishima’s shoulder. “You wouldn’t actually make me sleep on the couch, would you?”

“If you were being annoying I would.”

They were silence for a few seconds before Kuroo quickly tilted his head so he could peck Tsukishima’s cheek and pulled away.

“Anyways,” Kuroo sighed. “What do you suppose we do, then?”

“Tow truck?”

Kuroo whined. “Tow trucks scare me.”

“Are you for real?” Tsukishima deadpanned. “Mister “I’m So Tough That I Will Kill All The Spiders”? Really?”

“Spiders are small! Tow trucks can run me over!”

He groaned. “You can tell me the real story behind your “fear of tow trucks” later, but we really need to figure something out right now.”

“Well,” Kuroo tapped his chin. “I mean it’s not that cold right now, because the world didn’t feel like Christmas apparently, so we could just sleep in here and when your family is driving back they can call the tow truck and your brother or someone could wait for them and we can go back in the safety of your parent’s car.”

“So you’d be okay with my brother being run over by a tow truck?”

“I don’t think your brother has a fear of tow trucks, is what I’m trying to say.”

He wasn’t wrong but… really..?

Tsukishima called his family and told them about their situation. They were worried, said the same thing Tsukishima did about calling a tow truck, Tsukishima responded with the story of Kuroo’s fear, they were as confused as he was, but they agreed to picking them up the next morning.

“I can’t believe you decided to let the car break down in the middle of nowhere.” Tsukishima huffed as he reclined his chair back.

“I—“

“You didn’t do it on purpose, I know, I know, I’m not blaming you I’m just talking to… God or someone I guess.” He sighed. “I just don’t know what to do.”

Kuroo raised an eyebrow and smirked. “I have an idea.”

“I’m not having car sex with you.”

-

-

They woke up to knocking on the car window, Tsukishima almost screamed upon seeing Akiteru’s face pressed up to the glass.

“WHAT?” He yelled, opening the door and straightening out his glasses.

Akiteru laughed. “We were driving and I saw a car and from the pictures I’ve seen of Kuroo that was unmistakably his bedhead sticking over the seat.”

“You can call me Tetsurou, nice to meet you,” Kuroo said, barely decipherable through his yawn.

That just earned another laugh from Akiteru. “Come on, Dad said he’d wait for a tow truck, mom’s waiting in the car.”

“You’re so lucky you got a job close to home…” Tsukishima grumbled, rubbing his eyes and climbing out of the car. He walked to the trunk and opened it to start grabbing their luggage while Kuroo lounged.

Once the luggage was in the car, Tsukishima made his way back, opening Kuroo’s door and slapping him upside the head. “Come on, I didn’t sleep in a car for nothing.” He muttered.

Kuroo groaned as he slipped out of the car and trudged away.

They greeted Tsukishima’s father, but both of them obviously weren’t in a situation where they could have proper conversations, so they sat in the back while Akiteru drove and his mother got shotgun.

Now… Akiteru wasn’t the best driver. There was a reason that Tsukishima never got a license, none of the Tsukishima’s were that great at driving, his mother couldn’t drive, Tsukishima couldn’t drive, it was a miracle that Akiteru passed his driving test, and Tsukishima’s father was at least decent . Decent as in the sense that you could feel at least a bit at ease and not fear for your life.

But, frankly, Tsukishima was too tired to care and had experienced Akiteru’s driving enough to know what to expect, unfortunately, Kuroo didn’t have that advantage.

-

-

Kuroo stumbled into the house, clutching his stomach, not even having time to ask where the bathroom was, so he went to the kitchen sink and…

“He sure is a charmer.” His mother said through a smile.

Tsukishima subtly laughed. “He sure is.” He walked over to his barfing boyfriend and patted his back. “It’s okay.” He muttered.

Another cough before he was back up, breathing heavily and wiping his mouth. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” He waved off. “Perfectly fine, I’m not puking, just had something in my mouth, don’t worry.”

Tsukishima had to stifle a laugh. He let him be and wandered over to Akiteru who was dragging in their luggage. “Good job with getting Kuroo sick.”

“It’s my specialty.”

Without another word, he wandered back over to Kuroo and held out his hand as he leaned over the sink again. “Let’s go to my room, you can lay down there.”

He slowly nodded and took his hand.

“Does your brother hate me? Did I do something wrong already?” Kuroo asked as he lay down on Tsukishima’s bed, spreading out and taking deep breaths.

“No… He’s just… really bad at driving.”

“How did he get his license?!” Kuroo asked, raising his head with horror on his face.

“I’m pretty sure the driving instructor was so dazed that they just gave it to him or they didn’t want another instructor to have to suffer that torture.” He hummed.

“And your family still allows that danger on the road?”

“Kuroo, there’s a reason I don’t drive, and it’s because I’m worse than him, it kinda runs in our family.”

Kuroo dropped his head back down, letting out a groan.

Tsukishima laughed at him and sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his stomach. “The good thing is, is that you left an impression pretty easily, you don’t have to try so hard now.”

“Yeah, because I want to be known as “The guy who threw up in the sink” for the rest of my life.”

“”Rest of your life”? Whatever do you mean by that?” Tsukishima teased.

“Shut up, Tsukki, it’s gonna happen at some point, don’t act surprised.”

Tsukishima thought that Kuroo was going to be the flustered one, but instead, there Tsukishima was, trying to hide his face that was becoming redder by the second.

-

-

“Hey, how’s Testurou?” Akiteru asked as Tsukishima walked down the stairs.

He was letting him sleep, but mostly it was because he needed some time to calm down himself.

“He’s fine, I’m just letting him rest right now.”

“Sorry for doing that to him.”

Tsukishima sighed. “He’ll be fine; he’s had to deal with worse. Don’t worry about it.”

Akiteru raised an eyebrow. He was about to question it but apparently rethought and Tsukishima was grateful. “Well, we’re having dinner whenever dad gets home so you should probably get him up soon…”

Tsukishima groaned. The day just kept progressing and Tsukishima had no doubt that it would get worse. Kuroo didn’t even do well with dinner with his own parents, how was he going to survive dinner with the Tsukishima’s? He was going to do his best to answer any questions his parents threw their way, make sure that Kuroo didn’t even have a chance to answer. Tsukishima knew that if Kuroo messed up then his parents wouldn’t think poorly of him, but they would bring it up forever.

He waited until he heard the sound of a car door shutting outside before he reluctantly trudged up the stairs to get his boyfriend.

When he opened the door, Kuroo wasn’t sleeping, he was going through Tsukishima’s shelves.

“What are you doing?” Tsukishima said loudly, drawing Kuroo’s attention away from his things.

“Browsing.” He said it so casually.

“Without permission?”

Kuroo shrugged and went back to looking. “I didn’t think you’d mind, it’s not like we practically live together back home or anything.”

“Yeah but… I was such an embarrassing person when I was younger, I don’t want you finding anything weird.”

Kuroo grinned and tore his stare away from the shelves once more. “What kind of weird things, Tsukki?” The way he said it made Tsukishima shiver, like it had some other motive, and knowing Kuroo, it probably did.

“KEI, TETSUROU, COME ON.” Akiteru yelled from the bottom of the stairs right before Tsukishima could respond.

At the dinner table, Kuroo sat between Tsukishima and Akiteru, across from his parents. He held Tsukishima’s hand under the table, causing him to eat with his left hand. Tsukishima wanted to laugh at his inability to eat with his non-dominant hand, but he also didn’t want to draw more attention than he already had.

“You guys met in high school, right?” His mother asked as soon as everyone had settled down with their food.

“Yeah, we met in volleyball during my first year.” Tsukishima said immediately.

“Ah, so—“

“I went to Nekoma in Tokyo.” Kuroo spoke up, Tsukishima gripped his hand tighter, trying to tell him to let Tsukishima do all the talking.

“Oh, wow, Tokyo, that’s kind of far for a high school student, isn’t it?

“Not too bad if you take the train.” Kuroo answered again. “Two hour train, four hour car. Normally my team would take a bus and since I was with so many others it wasn’t exactly boring.”

His mother smiled. “That’s good.”

Kuroo was doing well so far, maybe Tsukishima doubted him too much. He released his grip a little, still holding on lightly.

“What do you do with your day?” Tsukishima’s father asked after a small moment of silence.

“Dad—“

“Classes, I’m a psychology major so I have quite a bit of homework but then I also work part time at a nearby café.”

“Ah, so do you and Kei live close to each other?” When they were dropping Tsukishima off at college, they knew that he had specifically requested a single person dorm.

“We practically live together, actually.” Kuroo said, all chipper like, like he was proud.

“Oh?” His father narrowed his eyes. They were supportive of Tsukishima being gay, but they were also strong believers of abstinence and not moving in together until you’re married.  “Interesting.”

By the way that Kuroo’s grasp tightened in Tsukishima’s hand, he could tell that Kuroo knew he had said something wrong.

They were put into an awkward silence, only sounds on chewing could be heard.

“You seem to just be picking at your food, do you not like it?” His mother asked, frowning.

“No, it’s fine I just—“ It was because he was eating with his left hand.

“Because I can make you something else.”

“This is perfectly fine, but thank you for offering.” Kuroo smiled, now trying to take bigger bites.

The tense air quickly returned back to awkward, Tsukishima couldn’t tell if that was a good thing.

“What’s your favorite meal? I’ll make it tomorrow.” She asked, obviously still a little offended that Kuroo “didn’t like” her cooking.

“Tsukki’s dick—son’s special recipe chocolate cake.”

Tsukishima slammed his head onto the table out of pure embarrassment and loss of dignity.

A few months ago, Bokuto said something stupid about Kuroo eating dick, specifically Tsukishima’s.

Tsukishima thought it was funny so he started leaving notes about Kuroo eating dick.

Kuroo accused Bokuto.

They fought.

It ended with Kuroo yelling “FINE. I DO. I DO LOVE EATING DICK. I JUST _LOVE_ TSUKKI’S DICK.”

And since then it had become an inside joke to respond with “Tsukki’s dick” whenever someone asked any question regarding what kind of food Kuroo wants.

Unfortunately, Bokuto thought it was _so_ funny and Kuroo did too that it became a daily occurrence. Now it was coming back to haunt them.

Silence.

The table was in absolute silence.

Finally after what felt like forever but was probably only about two minutes, Tsukishima lifted his head from the table. “Mom, can we be excused?”

He didn’t even wait for a response before he stood and yanked Kuroo up with him.

“We volunteer to do dishes tonight, just leave them there when you’re finished.” Tsukishima grumbled as he dragged Kuroo up the stairs.

“ _What the hell was that?_!” Tsukishima nearly yelled as soon as he had shut the door behind them.

Kuroo held up his hands in defense. “I’m sorry, Tsukki! It’s a habit!”

“This is _exactly_ why I didn’t want you to meet them, oh my god, I can never face them again.” Tsukishima sat on the edge of his bed and buried his face in his hands.

He felt Kuroo sit down beside him. “I mean, I kinda screw up everything, so you shouldn’t be surprised.”

Kuroo was hurt, Tsukishima could tell that much. He sighed. “Don’t worry about it, they’ll get over it.”

“Tsukki—“

“I mean it,” He mumbled, taking his hands away and turning to peck Kuroo’s cheek. “But you’re doing the dishes by yourself.”

“Tsukki, you said we—“

“We, as in you, so this is how you’ll make it up to me, you dick.”

His parents would get over it but… it wouldn’t be for a while.

The rest of the time spent there was going to be awkward.

**Author's Note:**

> [12/28/2015 11:07:36 PM] Hidi: "FINE. I DO. I DO LIKE EATING DICK."  
> [12/28/2015 11:24:40 PM] afish-senpai ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ: he goes over board with it  
> [12/28/2015 11:25:08 PM] afish-senpai ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ: he says that ^^^ and at first bokuto is like "Hhahaha I KNEW IT BRO" and then kuroo just keeps going with it like  
> [12/28/2015 11:25:42 PM] afish-senpai ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ: "I LOVE DICK MAN. I JUST FUCKING LOVE IT. MY FAVORITE FUCKING FOOD"
> 
> sighs


End file.
